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Dealing with a toxic person
There are many people with different personalities living around us. This is what makes the world so beautiful, no one person is the same. We all see things from different perspectives, and we all come with our own personal set of morals and ideas of what we think is right or wrong.
I have noticed that some people have a gift of making people gravitate towards them. It seems everyone wants to be their friend. Then there are others that are not so approachable. Or, they commit unpleasant and hurtful acts. You get the sense that they don’t really want any friends, or that they are downright cruel. So, you leave them alone and stay out of their way.
My question is this, how do you know when YOU are the problem? When do you realize that you are that toxic person that is causing undue stress in other peoples’ lives? Now to be clear, there are some people that knowingly commit cruel and vindictive acts because they get pleasure out of it. They know that they are bullies, and many are even proud of that fact.
That’s not who I’m talking about though. I’m referring to the toxic person that believes that they are doing good (or at the very least, no knowingly doing bad things) and can’t understand why they get into conflicts with every other person they have an interaction with.
So here are some clues that YOU might be THAT toxic person, wreaking havoc on other people’s lives.
When it feels like you keep having the same argument over and over- with different people.
Whether it’s with family members, your spouse, or your coworkers, it seems you keep having the same problem. They all just don’t listen, and they don’t understand what you are going through. There is always some conflict or misunderstanding when you try to get your point across. The reason why it seems like no one understands you, could be that you are putting unnecessary stress and unattainable expectations on others, which is a very selfish thing to do.
When most of your conversations circle around the faults and weaknesses of others.
You might have what some people describe as a narrow-minded way of thinking. It is hard for you to see beyond the visible faults that people have and see the potential of others. You might be at a family gathering and everyone is congratulating your cousin on their new job, but you feel the need to point out and remind them that this is their third job in just one year.
When the room clears as soon as you enter and it’s not just a one-time occurrence- It’s all the time.
No one likes to be around someone that has a negative demeanor. It is a major turn off when you hang around someone who is always pessimistic. After a while, no one will want to hold a conversation with you. You won’t have a lot of friends unless of course, it’s someone who thinks the same way you do. (That’s the other thing, check your besties, they might be toxic just like you).
When every situation that arises causes some kind of drama.
You become quickly defensive and argumentative when someone says something that you find undesirable. Toxic people seem to think very highly of themselves and feel that the attention should be on them and their needs.
When you can hold a grudge for years, decades even.
When someone has hurt you in some shape or form, you hold on to that pain and refuse to let it go. You might talk a good talk and say you can forgive them. But deep down, you do not want to let go and forget the situation. In fact, you take a sense of pleasure in telling others how badly you were mistreated.
When you try to manipulate others and victimize yourself.
When someone tries to call you out on your negativity or tell you that your behavior is toxic, you immediately start to spew about all the good you have done, and how much you have tried to help others. If that doesn’t work, you might go as far as producing real tears to show how hurt you are and in need of attention, not recrimination.
If you feel you have any of those traits, it would be wise to take a good hard look at yourself and do some self-evaluation. You can seek out ways to have a more positive outlook. Start with here, with Secrets of a Balanced Healthy Life.
One last Message
There are many toxic people living around us every day. Some are mean, manipulative, condescending, selfish, biased and vindictive.
They also experience hurt and sadness. They are insecure, and many have had a very unhappy past. Others are living with some form of pain that they deal with daily. Toxic people are broken in some way, that’s how they became toxic. They easily become defensive and lash out on anyone that threatens them. They seek attention and approval from others because of their insecurities.
It is hard to deal with a person with this sort of personality because they can really, really, really exhausting. I think it helps to remember that everyone has their own personal demons that they struggle with daily.
So, before you dash out the room when that toxic person shows up, offer a kind word and a smile before you run off. Because small things like that can make a big difference.
Wendy "Sekkori" is an aspiring writer and blogger, all while holding down a day job as a registered nurse and being a wife and mother.
"Sekkori’s Stories is my little place on the web where I can talk about some of the issues that are passionate to me and are important things that others can learn from. These are my nursing career, my writing project, and healthy habits to live a less stressful life".